Spreading the Sonshine

Freedom from Sin

2011-03-04T17:26:00.000-08:00

I was watching the show "Hoarders" the other day,which always makes me anxious and sad, but I had an uplifting spiritual insight this time. Hoarders are people who substitute relationships and vulnerability with enormous amounts of stuff. Much of the stuff is useless junk but it holds special value to them. It's kind of like a security blanket.

"The more stuff I pile up, the safer I am (or feel) and the smaller chance I have of getting hurt by someone (mentally, emotionally)" seems to be their unanimous refrain. It's heartbreaking but there is a cure. It's encouraging to see these people taking steps to move past the hoarding phase and reclaim their relationships with family and friends.

To me, the hoarding of stuff seems similar to the storing up of sin and self-desire inside a person. The self-willed, unsanctified person's heart is so full of excuses, lies, doubts, fears that there is no room for Jesus just like there is very little room in a hoarder's heart or home to experience healthy, loving relationships. Each item has special value to a hoarder just like every secret desire, grudge, and lie has special value to the sinful heart. In order for the hoarder to be free, they must completely be rid of the stuff as well as the hoarding compulsion. Organizers and family can help as long as the hoarder willingly participates and makes an effort to be free.

Jesus is more than willing and ready to free anyone from the strife and separateness caused by self will. In order to experience true freedom from sin and joy in the Lord, each person must completely abdicate their self will, ask for Christ's forgiveness, and move forward by complete child-like trust in His ability to save them.

"If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." Let us all move forward in humility, complete trust in Christ's faithfulness to truly set us free from sin and give us the ability to reach out and pull other lost lambs into the fold.

I am ready to be free!

2011-03-01T11:25:00.001-08:00

I have started journaling and I aim to fill an entire journal this time!!! Basically, the purpose of journaling (and blogging :) is to express the internal thought processes and triggers that cause me to want to do certain things: namely, for this specific journal, overeating.

Almost ten years ago, I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and later Bi-polar depression. Before this happened I don't remember having a dysfunctional relationship with food. But immediately after the initial mental collapse, I turned to food for comfort - to try and fill an emotional void that I couldn't seem to fill any other way. I was trusting Jesus so the greatest void in my heart was filled but there was an ache that wouldn't go away that even my family couldn't fully understand. So I turned to food. We have a love/hate relationship. Better put, I love to eat but it soon got to the point where I began eating for my emotions rather than because my body really wanted to eat.

I don't think that initially I was trying to shut down my body's signals, but my tangled up emotions and faulty chemical imbalances seemed to be screaming louder than my body's "please stop eating, I'm full."

I have been growing in so many other ways since the beginning of my emotional struggles - in self-confidence, joy, peace, perseverance and courage - that I think it's about time my eating deserves some attention. I feel like it's a crutch I've leaned on or big cozy coat that I've wrapped myself in all these years that I just can't quite bring myself to throw down or cast off. Eating has made me feel okay for so long while also not allowing me to move into full freedom. The crutch is getting heavier and not so helpful. . .the coat is getting bulkier and not so cozy as much as prohibiting leaping and dancing and freedom!

I am so ready to be free so that I can truly move forward into grace and joy and self-forgetfulness and giving of myself. Food can be a comforter but it is not the true Comforter. Ultimately Jesus is the only true, eternal Ache-Filler and Love-Giver, but since I am in this rattly vehicle of a body with its little bumps and bruises, I have to learn ways to replace the compulsive over-eating with truly soul-nourishing, tension-relieving activities.

I am SO ready to be free! I truly believe that blogging and journaling will help me to better understand my internal workings and truly break free into a whole new plain of soul nourishment, free movement, self-forgetfulness, and JOY! Praise the Lord for His faithfulness and desire to bring us into greater freedom and friendship with Him!

The Giver of All Good Gifts

2011-02-20T22:35:00.000-08:00

Too often I entertain thoughts, like: I have problems. I have anxiety. I have bipolar. I have a bad relationship with food.

But the truth is, I don't! If I call these realities problems them I am calling the God who created them a bad Father and worse. He is God. He always gives good gifts. When I question the goodness of the things in my life then I am saying my Father has given me a bad gift. I am in complete unreality when I say I have a problem and I can't control my emotions or my eating because those are the problems I have.

Great people, great souls are not those who don't have problems but those who triumph over them and through that triumph give their Father and Creator glory. This triumph is not possible on our own but is made available through our choice to thank God for these "problems".

Usually those who have difficulties are those who are the strongest. They may look and feel the weakest but through the struggle they build the strength and courage needed to triumph. Through the struggle our faith gets stronger and God gets glorified as we offer the struggle to Him. If I say that my life is too hard or I can't do it or I want someone else's life then I am calling God a liar. What I need to affirm is the truth, which is: everyone has struggles. It's just that all struggles look different. Some may appear "easier" but you can't escape reality. Life is never a fairy tale. However, my life as I live it in obedience to Christ is blessed beyond words no matter how it may appear to others or feel to me.

Fairy tales are about fantasies and dreams and unreality. Reality is God's truly wonderful amazing plan for our life. It may be filled with heartaches, disappointments, loved ones lost, and physical pain but in every loss, in all the pain there will always be Jesus' hand holding ours, His plan working everything together for good. This may seem like the only news account, the only forecast for our life now: this pain, difficulty, loss. But it's not. Our life is Jesus. He is wonderful and powerful and a Giver of all and only good gifts.

I choose to lift my eyes in joy and defiant gratitude to the One who "is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us." I have no idea what's in store tomorrow but I do know one thing for sure: My Father's plan will always be wonderfully perfect for me.

Walking with Jesus

2009-04-21T23:31:00.000-07:00

It happens to everyone. You wake up in the morning and get started with your day: eat breakfast, get dressed, etc. But what is going through your head? Is it: I've got to get this and that done; I'm unhappy because I can't do this; I wish I could fit into this dress? Or is your main thought: "THANK YOU,JESUS! I have another day to spend with you! You have given me another day to live for you and shine your light in this world. No matter what happens today, I trust that You have planned it for my good."

Of course, it may be a combination of the two but the point is SO many people wake up focused ONLY on what's going on in their lives, how they feel, what they wish was different. As Christians, we have worries, frustrations and things we want to accomplish but we surrender ALL of it to Jesus. We can go through the day knowing that He has it under control. Even when we wake up and feel like crawling back under the covers and crying, Jesus is right there to take our hand and say, "Rejoice. For this is a new day that I have made. I will be by your side. In your weakness, I am strong. I will never leave you or forsake you."

So we can get up every day, rain or shine, happy or sad, and know that Jesus is with us. He is holding our hand. Whatever happens in this new day is perfectly known and planned by Him. We can face the day, holding His hand, and say "I will REJOICE IN THE LORD ALWAYS. AGAIN I SAY REJOICE!!!"

p.s. i just wanted to express how thankful I am to wake up and know that no matter where I am, what I'm feeling, or what MAY happen in the day, my best friend and Father will be there right by my side guiding each step.

Tear-jerking image

2009-03-14T22:39:00.000-07:00

I found this image on a facebook pro-life group's wall. I think it speaks for itself. I just think this a very powerful image for all of you who may or may not believe in the sanctity of life. No one can deny that this picture screams: I'M ALIVE!!!! I'M A PERSON!!! I know this isn't an eloquent post but I just had to share this with everyone.

Think on These Things

2009-02-26T22:36:00.000-08:00

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

How often do we really stop and think about what we are putting into our minds and hearts? JUST STOP. THINK. Every time we listen to a song, read a book, watch a movie, look at a magazine, we are taking a little bit of that into ourselves. I mean that we aren't going to be able to just walk away from a romantic movie without thinking about how we wish we could be in a romantic relationship, etc. Is there really any virtue in thinking/dwelling on something that hasn't been given to us by God? The answer is no. The reason is God is the giver of good things. He wants us to dwell on those good things He has given us and trust Him for the things that He has yet to give us.

So often I watched a TV show and a "That's not right. I shouldn't be watching this" pebble dug into the heel of my conscience. ANd sadly I just took it out and kept walking. I am ashamed to say this but it's better for me to stop now and realize why I ignored the pebble.

When I do this I ignore the conscience that Jesus gave me as a trip wire that sets off an alarm in my heart: "STOP! Jesus is watching you. Jesus is right here right now. Is this something you would be doing if you could see Him standing there next to you?"

A thousand times that trip wire has gone off but I'm sad to say there have been too many times when I closed my ears and ignored it or reasoned it away.

That alarm is Jesus' way of saying, "I love you. You are my child. I don't want you to put junk in your head. I want you to be talking to Me and loving Me. These things are going to pull you away from Me. I want you to be My friend. Please don't shut Me out. Turn to Me."

Tonight and tomorrow and forever, WHENEVER I hear that alarm, WHEREVER I am, I am going to stop what I am doing and look to Jesus. He is true and honest and just and pure. And He is the only thing I want to have forever in my heart and on my mind. No country song or romantic movie is worth missing out on being with Him.

Thought-provoking and awesome quote!

2009-02-10T18:59:00.000-08:00

"Either there is a god or there isn't. Both possibilities are frightening." -Russian atheist astronomer. This is very true. If we believe there is a God then we are obligated to seek Him and obey Him. If we believe there is a God but don't act upon that belief we are in deep trouble. "To them that know what is right and do not do it, to them it is sin." Scary. However, believing there isn't a god is also dangerous because ultimately there IS a God who judges all. We better make sure we are on the right side.

Being on the wrong side, means death: not only physical but spiritual. I hope, that if you hold the latter belief, that you will seek the truth. Don't just shut your conscience off and continue in unbelief and spiritual darkness.

Look to Jesus, the light, who makes all things new and brings everything into the light. If you are on His side, you are good hands. If you aren't, you'd better re-evaluate what you believe before it's too late.

Live in Love

2009-01-27T22:35:00.000-08:00

I'm sure everyone can relate to this situation: you are having a challenging day and then someone pushes you a little bit over the edge. They might only just ask you to repeat yourself again and you just SNAP. Those people who cause that snap are usually my family members because I know home is a place where everyone loves me and knows me and will bear with me. And they do but that is not an excuse. I reminded myself of that yesterday.

"Serena, yes. You do feel like crying and snapping and being rude, but you know that as soon as you walk out that door to work you are going to be able to pull yourself together and smile. You need to do that at home too. Your family are the people who truly love you and they deserve to have you make that effort. Because they make it for you too."

That's not the only reason why we should smile and be kind to our family. Jesus has commanded us to love one another just as He loved us. He laid down His life for us! The very least we can do is to live in love everyday especially when it's hard.

Thank You, Jesus, for everything!!

2008-12-27T20:52:00.000-08:00

"In everything give thanks." Sounds simple. Then why was I crying on my way up to the bus stop after I was simply made aware of something to give thanks for? My excuse was that it was too minor, too pathetic, or whatever to involve God in. How proud that sounds! Wow. My Father is aware of every sparrow that falls and knows the number of the hairs on my head. How could He not be concerned and want me to come to Him with everything in my life, especially the little things that seem unimportant?

Obviously they're not unimportant. Everything (even anxiety, obsessive eating, etc) that God has put in my life is important because God has put it there. It's that simple. God created everything in my life from my parents splitting up to the fact that caffeine makes me tense and anxious. That may seem like a big jump but in fact it isn't. The little detail are just as important as the big ones to God because He created them all. He put in place every little detail of our life long before we were born. He knows exactly what we need in every way all the time.

"God works everything together for good for those that love God and are called according to His purpose."

Anyway as I walked up the street crying I, finally, really, truly expressed faith in my heart. It wasn't just words. "I trust You. Thank You for ..." I really truly in my heart made the choice to thank Him for EVERYTHING, for that moment, and then the tears were no longer needed. Because I had reached up and grasped my Father's hand and looked into His eyes and said, "I trust you, Father, to take care of me and I thank You that You not only care for the heartaches but for the little hurts in my life."

Here's the rest of the first verse: "In EVERYTHING give thanks for this is the WILL of God in Christ Jesus concering you." If this is His will then I want to be there. Don't you?

Inspiring Quote

2008-12-25T21:21:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite books is Evidence Not Seen. It's about the wife of a missionary who was interned in a prison camp during World War II by the Japanese. Her courageous and righteous spirit inspires me to become more in love with God. Here is a quote from her book which is a statement of faith after she learned that her husband had died in another prison camp:

"Thank You so much for these beautiful people who are so very dear to me. Let my grief be mine alone. Anoint my countenance with the oil of joy, that none may ever feel embarrassed to laugh in my presence. May no joke or sharing of the ridiculous be stifled because I am there. Wrap me in the garment of praise, that I may not burden others with the heaviness of my grief."

I know that none of my experiences could begin to compare with what this courageous woman went through but it is convicting to me. My brain wiring is somewhat uncomfortable (by the gracious will of God) so I have a tendency to try and cop out of this attitude of love to others by that excuse. Her story is a testament to a mental and spiritual strength that only God can give. If I sincerely ask for this strength and love, then Jesus has promised to impart that precious gift to me. I hope that maybe others will ask Him for this invaluable quality as well. It not only strengthens your character but is a blessing to those around you.

Where have you gone, childhood?

2008-12-25T20:16:00.000-08:00

Ever since I grew out of the child stage where I was creative and less self critical, I have not considered myself an artistic or creative person. I'm pretty much a follower, not always passive but feel reliant on others for approval and validation. So I haven't really written very much since my last college writing class about 3 years ago. This is my first real attempt since then to express myself and perhaps gain self confidence as I make an effort to get out of my shell and try to recapture (at least a little bit of) the creativeness of my childhood self. I have a lot to share that I hope will help and encourage those of you who read my blog. So bear with me as I stumble along this little journey.